Sunday evening I achieved goal number #12 on my list- “Take a class at Babes in Toyland”! Initially when I added this goal, I had planned on making it kind of like a girls night out and going with some friends to take one of those “How to please your man” type of classes (ie “The art of the blow job”, “How to please your man”, or “Deep throating with Madison”…. Yes those are all real classes happening at Babeland in September), but as I’m getting older I’m less and less interested in spending my time learning how to please others, so I decided take this goal a little more seriously and actually try to learn a few things for, and about myself.
Babeland is an awesome, female-focused, sex shop with a few locations in NYC and Seattle. I, and one good friend, signed up for a “More-gasm” class, which promised to teach us to “Take risks, get messy, own your orgasm, get more of what you want from sex, and be a better partner.” The class was pretty awesome. It was taught by two very sex-positive, funny, female-bodied instructors and covered sexual anatomy, the benefits of masturbation, sexual communication, and some actual tips/tricks for oral sex, sex positions, etc.
Overall, I learned a TON in this class (yes I was the dork in the front row taking notes at a sex class). I picked up a bunch of fun new techniques and actually learned quite a bit about female sexual anatomy, but the concept that I was most struck with was the overarching theme of “owning one’s orgasm” and not expecting someone to give one to you. This wasn’t presented in a selfish I’ma-get-mine-so-you-bests-to-get-yourn, type of way, but more in a “It is totally fine, natural, and even empowering for you to talk to your partner about wearing a vibrating cock ring if you think that will improve your experience” type of way. The class really stressed the idea that sex (at least good sex) is about people experiencing pleasure together, and working on ways to ensure that is happening not a ego trip about how big of a man (or woman) you are that you can “give” your partner the big “O”.
The only think I would change about the class is to include much more on how to bring up the use of toys in sex play. The class was very toy focused, which I think is great because toys can be a very fun, and often underutilized, part of sex, but in the workshop it was kind of taken for granted that all people are comfortable with using sex toys. In reality, I feel most men have a certain level of discomfort , or even competition, with vibrators and other sex toys, and think that if a woman "needs" to introduce something into the mix then he’s not doing something right. If neither partner is sexually adventurous, and especially if the male partner was insecure or egotistical it would be a really difficult subject to breach, and a little more information on ways to positively start that sort of conversation would have been helpful.
Overall I give the class a solid A. I came away feeling empowered and educated. I’d recommend it to anyone.